We’ve all been there. We’ve all sat in the lobby listening to some wannabe rapper spouting lines about popping caps in people’s (fill in the blank), or that kid who isn’t even old enough to be in the game to start with. And some of us have even endured hounding from members of the opposite sex hoping to get some pictures or voice chat for their trouble.
Some of them aren’t even interested in getting much gaming done at all. They just want to complain or mess things up for others.
If you haven’t seen them, now you will. They’ve been conveniently collected in one place. For your entertainment, here are the top ten most annoying online gamers.
1. The Rapper
We hear you. We hear how you poorly imitate rappers who “sing” using broken English to begin with. Listening to you is not an honor. No, creating rhymes based on players’ handles that you see is not funny. It only takes a miniscule amount of brainpower to do that. Yes, you and your parents may find it adorable and entertaining that you can make childish rhymes incorporating things in your direct vicinity, but when it comes to pwning online, your “rapping” skills are null and void. Please put that mouth to good use, if you know what I mean.
2. The Child
Does your mother even know you’re playing Battlefield, Call of Duty or whatever you’re playing? She does? Oh, AND you had intimate relations with my mom. That’s sweet of you. It’s really cool that you can kill off every single person on the team – your own. It’s really cool that your best friend told you that they hated you today, and that you want to invite all of your troglodytic friends along to the party so you can show them this SUPER NEAT!! trick you learned the other day. Oh, is that your mother telling you to get off the game and come eat dinner? Sucks to be you, kid. Please, just leave the world of gaming for big people and go play some age-appropriate titles. God knows gamers will appreciate it when you go missing and angry parents try to blame it all on Imagine: Babies.
3. 1337 Hax0rz
Yeah, it’s awesome that you’ve figured out a way to use every glitch in the game to your advantage. Modded controllers really make you so much better, too. So respectable. How I wish I could be like you! That just proves how truly amazing you are at a game by breaking the rules. If you were on a football team, you would be the guys busted for steroids. You keep finding new ways to cheat honest players out of rewards, and we’ll keep finding new ways to humiliate you.
4. The DJ
The Xbox Live headsets don’t register much noise outside of your voice. And if you’re using Vent, why do you need blasting music in the background? If we wanted to hear somebody’s unintelligible garbage of a song, why, I think we would have added it to our own libraries by now. A garbled rendition of a Top 40 hit is nowhere near as fun as listening to it in the comfort of your own headphones. No one wants to hear your music. Instead of gaming, why don’t you go DJ some raves or something? Hone your talent where it might be appreciated. And stop leaning so close to your speakers. It takes a lot of effort to get music blasting that loud. Why aren’t you deaf yet?
5. The ZOMGIT’SAGURL Fanboys
You really haven’t had any (human) female contact, have you?
6. The Racist
Oooh, it’s so tough of you to express your displeasure with another race. It really makes me want to drop my controller and run away because you insulted the way I talk, speak, or look because of my race. No. It makes you sound ignorant. It’s a pity being racist doesn’t up your dosage of gaming skill, because you’re usually in dire need of it. Really cute. Didn’t you recognize the trend of randomly yelling “WHITE POWER!” ended when no one responded and you ended up ignored the rest of the game? Please, get a life.
7. The Camper
Yeah, hang out there in that dark corner where no one sees you. Fidget around until you see a target coming, then pop them in the head when they least expect it. While you may be racking up the points and improving your K/D ratio, you’re also looking quite lacking in the contact kills department. If you’re going to trash talk about being the best at a certain game, learn to play it the way everyone else is first. Then you can have your cutesy hide and seek games.
8. The Gametype Idiot
Do you not understand how to play the game, or are you just being stupid on purpose? If you want to get kills, don’t start up a CTF game. If your only concern is upping your headshot count, go do it in a FFA or TD. Why do you think it’s even feasible to want to deliberately delay planting the bomb in order to up your score? If you want to do it so badly, play a gametype where killing is the only objective. Don’t try to pretend your brain can handle much more than that. It’s okay, we’ll understand.
9. The Slut
No, we don’t want to see your n00dz. Exhibit some genuine interest in the game or you’ll be kicked.
10. The Screamer
YES! IT WAS POSSIBLE TO HIT YOU FROM THAT DISTANCE! NO, THEY WERE NOT CHEATING! YES, IT IS TOO BAD! NO, IT WASN’T A CHEAP SHOT! WHY DON’T YOU CALM DOWN BEFORE YOU HAVE A HEART ATTACK? IT’S JUST A GAME!! DID YOU HEAR ME?! IT’S JUST A GAME!